Music and moon dependent.
i live like i’m practically married now… Not saying it’s a bad thing, but I have no time for myself for my mind to devour my thoughts, not time to sit by myself and actually think. i’m always with someone or doing something. i’m scared. i feel as though im too young, but in fact im actually too old to be thinking in such a selfish way.
Working and going to school is some shit. i dont have a car and m living situation is fucked. i cannot afford anything. i am in debt to other people for shor emergencies and nothing i am doing is stable, well, my job might be since i’m surrounded by some great people.
getting back to school after leaving is the worst shit ever. i should have continued rather than mentally accepting that taking a break would be okay, now i have fallen inlove with someone who i admire and values education. i thought i valued education. WRONG. i made an act as though i did but i never went through with what i said. Like a lot of things in my life.
i have now come to realize my actions affect others and not just myself. i have also been selfishly thinking of only myself. but actually, i havent even been thinking. for the past 2 years i havent been thinking at all. okay, actually 3 years. when i was a jr i thought i had all my shit figued out. but in reality it wasnt..
man, what a hypocrite i am. what bullshit have i been serving people that actually care about me it Xander. not putting in my part of the relationship, nor friendships. thats why i dont have friends, i dont know what it is to commit to people. one thing im learning to to be smart with your money. TO BE VERY SMART WITH MONEY BECAUSE. i always thought someone was in need of the money more than i am.
MY PROBLEM IS, IS THAT I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MYSELF. and intailed with that is that it affects other people around me to my ilogical desicions to do shit. and my shyness doesnt help with that neither. i need to learn how to care. fuck my life.
It’s simple, you make me happy and then I do whatever you want me to do. The reason why I’m such a bitch now is because I’m not happy. Wa-lah
Like I can’t even use my social media as a secrecy to an outlet to my feelings because I have someone fucking hounding me about it all the fucking time. Fuck this. If I was taught to express my feelings maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. But all I had was the internet and my thoughts since I wasslways grounded for stupid shit or accused if being in a gang. Fuck everything. My love life is almost shit because I’m dTkng someone who I think cares about me but we almost have nothing in common anymore. Maybe it’s all just me. Fuck everything.
I need to turn lesbian or something, then I won’t get pregnant and have all the sex I want. #thankyoustrapons